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Dealing With Stress, Step 5: Clinical Mode On

(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Observing dispassionately allows control. Once you managed to take the previous step (dis-identifying Yourself from Mind) – or even at the same time – start observing yourself as you would an item in a museum.

Start by observing what happens inside your body. It is easier with the body, because it doesn’t play the identification trick. Scan your muscles, your gut, your heart, your face. Notice the tension in your arms and legs, notice the feeling of a solid rock in your belly, notice the fast-paced, shallow breathing, notice the sensation of heat in your cheeks.

Once you noticed those sensations, stop. Don’t take it further, don’t judge “I shouldn’t feel that, I shouldn’t be red-faced”. Just take the information in and file it without tagging it “good” or “bad”. Go back to scanning and do it as many times as you need to cool off.

After you get familiar with observing your body, you can take the next step and do the same with your mind. Observe what feelings it puts out. Name them as exactly as you can: “my mind is making me feel ashamed“, “my mind is making me feel furious“. It is good information. It is not something you should believe or act upon. If you can trace the source you’re even better off: “my mind makes me feel ashamed I made a mistake because in the first grade the teacher always made crude fun of me because I wasn’t talented at math“. Seeing the source is valuable, because it shows you that your mood has less to do with Now and more to do with The Past. The link is emotional, not rational.

If you have ever been in a negotiation with an used-cars salesman (or any slick, fast-talking sales guy), you know how you look at him working his number, recognize the tricks in his book and smile inwardly “You won’t catch me this time, dude!

The same goes with your mind. It won’t catch you again, because you will recognize its trick, see right through them and take appropriate action, as opposed to the hasty things It wants you to do.

“Response” is the name of the game. “Reaction” is a thing of the past.

Continue with steps 6 and 7 by clicking here
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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 2: Feelings are natural

(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Feelings are natural, they are not a flaw. We are wired to feel down, empty, nervous, anxious or furious. Don’t blame yourself.

When you’re happy, content or joyous you never second-guess your feelings, do you? Why would you do that when you’re down, adding a supplementary layer of negative? Aren’t they all the same: feelings?

It bugged me since I was a kid, hearing “You shouldn’t feel [down, unhappy, sad], think of all the kids out there who don’t have half of what you have!” I couldn’t point out why, but I was (at least) annoyed. It was like my feelings should have had some kind of universal scale of measurement and go through a global referendum, in order for said feelings to be “valid”.

Nature wired us for feeling emotions. “Bad” emotions are like “bad” breathing – they don’t exist. Fury, anger, sadness, desperation – all are natural. They are what they are and they make you feel what they make you feel. You cannot deny, choke or feint them – at least not forever. They are your emotions, and are natural (acting on them is another thing entirely…).

You don’t have to feel anything. What you feel is what you feel. Numbness is what should get you worried.

So, let feelings be. They are Mother Nature’s way of letting us know something isn’t quite right. Just like breaking the bulb of an alarm lamp does not make things right, denying feelings serves no purpose. Notice your feelings, give them names, get friendly with them. Just don’t act on them.

Read part 3

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 1: You Are Not Alone

(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

You are not the only one in such a predicament: we all have rough patches and difficult moments. Some of us are better at hiding it, but on the inside we’re all the same colour.

Most of us, when in the throes of fate, feel we’re alone in our suffering. We may receive help and support from people who care for us, and we are grateful for that, but even this help-and-support come from someone who is not, right now, with us, in such a deep pain. More, we observe the world around us and see other enjoying things and feelings we so sorely lack.

a) For many, it’s about the image they put out: the deep truth is different in the overwhelming majority of cases. People will put out their best image and pour mountains of effort into safeguarding the social image (isn’t that what “inner power” is all about? Showing “strength” while bleeding inside?); and we see that image. The soul behind it is way more in pain and frazzled.

That realisation came to me during conversation with my spouse about some friends that seemed poised to do well; she casually said “The other day I heard her say the only thing she had left in common with her husband were the kids and the credits”.

You might think you’re alone. You might even feel loneliness. It is only natural; it is usually patently untrue. Take a moment to look around you closely. We all have our troubles. You have companions in your plight – only you do not know them. You don’t have to, just know they are there.

b) Preparation is everything: take care and assemble a Team You: people who know you, love you just the way you are and accept you with all your little quirks and peculiarities. Talk to them one by one or in a group setting.

Be as direct and clear as you can: “Friend / mom / pop / sibling, I’m approaching (or already crossing) a very rough patch in my life. I need all the love and support I can muster. I need you to support me now and show me later where I’ve done wrong. Would you do that?

This is not the time to be evasive and hope they’ll get it. Certainly, you’ll be in for some surprises. Many think “tough love” is the way (it is not, in many cases). But you’ll end up with a Team You ready to support you, ready to be your cheerleaders, a handy resource to have in dire times.

Have them know you value and cherish their support and lean on them in troubled times. That way, you’ll know you never walk alone.

Read part 2

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here