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Burned out Managers Require Help to Recharge

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Chances are managers in your organisation are feeling burned out. Middle managers have felt the squeeze of having to execute strategy from above while coaching and developing their teams below them — often without receiving the same type of development or empowerment from more senior managers. Often under-resourced, they frequently roll up their sleeves to do the work alongside their teams, particularly given higher rates of turnover in the last few years.

Research from McKinsey revealed that some middle managers spend up to two days a week on individual contributor work and a day a week on administrative tasks, in addition to their management responsibilities. Too much work, combined with too little time and resources adds up to scores of exhausted managers, who are almost twice as likely to leave their employer, according to research from Microsoft.

Burned out employees goes well beyond simply being tired or stressed — thus, recovering from it is not a quick fix. It takes time, intention, and organisational support to not only regain a sense of equilibrium, but to also feel energised, engaged, and motivated again.

To be sure, each person’s experience of being burned out will be different, so various approaches to address it will impact them differently. Likewise, there is no silver-bullet antidote. Employing a multi-pronged approach that includes the strategies below will help your managers in their burnout recovery journey.

Recognise

There are two aspects to this strategy. First, recognising and showing concern that an individual is experiencing burnout can help them feel seen, understood, and even cared for. Acknowledging the burnout also puts it on the table so that it can be addressed.

The second aspect is to recognise the manager’s sustained efforts and positive contribution or impact on the business. In a study of more than 12,000 employees, Workhuman and Gallup showed a strong positive correlation between employee recognition and wellbeing, which also led to better business outcomes. Moreover, this recognition can show the individual they are making a difference, especially when their impact might not be as visible to them. This can help them to counter feelings of diminished efficacy, reduce their cynicism or mental distance from the job, and derive more meaning from their work.

“When we take time to recognise people, it not only has a positive impact on them but on ourselves as well,” shares employee appreciation and workplace culture expert Christopher Littlefield. “The act of noticing what is going well, celebrating progress, and sharing the impact of their work helps us generate meaning, hope, and a sense of belonging — all things known to promote wellbeing. This can be as simple as taking five minutes to write a meaningful thank you note, give a quick compliment, or even use reflective recognition.”

Reconnect

Creating opportunities for personal connection (both in-person and virtually) amongst managers as a group can counter feelings of isolation that are common with burnout, particularly for those working remotely. Creating a sense of community, where managers can share their challenges (and successes) with their peers not only facilitates support, but also reduces feelings of isolation that can come with burnout and creates a sense of being “in it together.”

Likewise, connecting one-on-one beyond the work at hand can also be powerful, and may be more meaningful to some. “Picking up the phone to check-in on a colleague can help remind someone that you are there for them,” shared Adam Smiley Poswolsky, a workplace belonging keynote speaker. “Reconnecting with a coworker you haven’t spoken to in a while can provide them with energy and inspiration – especially when they are struggling with stress or burnout.”

Poswolsky added: “A simple act of kindness — like remembering a coworker’s birthday, or buying a colleague their favourite coffee order, makes people feel like they belong. When we provide more time and space for human connection at work, we normalise talking about the full spectrum of human emotions, of which burnout is one of the most common. When we normalize talking about burnout or stress or loneliness, we help people feel less alone, which in turn can help them feel much better.”

Re-assess, Re-prioritise, and Re-distribute Work

When managers are burned out, it’s likely due in large part to an excessive, unrelenting volume of work, and as new priorities emerge, existing projects do not get de-prioritized. Everything has become important and stays on their plate, making the workload unsustainable.

Conduct an audit of what your managers are each working on and what’s consuming most of their time. Identify the top three areas that will make the biggest difference in achieving the organisation’s goals. Focus your managers’ effort on these and de-prioritise the rest. In doing so, determine what can be put on the back burner, what deadlines can be extended, or what can be cancelled altogether. Likewise, re-assess the level of detail or quality needed for certain work products or metrics for success.

As part of this re-evaluation, take time to understand each person’s workload and capacity and re-distribute work, as needed. Moreover, make this a regular practice to help your managers re-assess and manage priorities on an ongoing basis.

While you can’t create more hours in the day, you can make the case to adjust the scope of the work to be commensurate with the resources available (i.e., people, time, and budget) or advocate for more resources, such as budget to hire more people or engage outside contractors to share the workload, even if only temporary to manage a peak period.

Revise Team Agreements

Empower the managers on your team to help solve the problem of burnout by revising agreements about how you all work together. What boundaries can you and the managers on your team agree to respecting? This may include things like not sending evening or weekend emails or avoiding other micro-stresses. Looking for a better way forward together by creating new norms can help create a sense of agency that is often missing in cases of burnout.

As a team, you can decide things like how you will hold each other accountable to your respective commitments, give each other permission to push back or say no, and establish specific non-meeting days to do focused work. Making these types of agreements can reduce wasted time, energy, and frustration, as well as create a sense of empowerment and ownership for their experience going forward.

Regularly Check-In

Touch base one-on-one with your managers on a regular basis, particularly those who have exhibited signs of burnout. Check in to see how they are doing and how you can best support them. Ask them where they are stuck. Make it safe for them to speak up and tell you when they’re feeling overwhelmed so you can discuss how you can make their work less taxing by clearing obstacles or taking things off their plate, as appropriate.

Relax and Reset

While not sufficient alone to recover from burnout, taking a meaningful break from work to decompress is a necessary step to restore your managers’ energy level and help them reset, both mentally and physically. Set the expectation that they use all of their vacation time — it can be easy to put off or skip vacation when there’s so much to do. The reality is, there will always be more to do, so trying to wait until you feel caught up at work is like running a marathon with no finish line.

In addition, by making vacation mandatory, you can help counter any warrior mentality in your organisation’s culture that might be a contributing factor to burnout. This can be done in a staggered way amongst team members to avoid business interruption, or some organisations choose to shut down completely during selected weeks of the year.

Whichever approach you take, give your people permission to completely unplug while they’re away and role model this for your team. Research shows that working during time off (which, sadly, two-thirds of Americans do), reduces intrinsic motivation, which will already be at a low point if the individual is burned out to begin with.

The remedy for feeling burned out is not an instantaneous single solution, nor is it one-size fits all. Using the aforementioned strategies in combination over time will allow you to not only support and recharge your burned-out leaders, but also to keep burnout at bay going forward.

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Sources:

https://www.limeade.com/resources/blog/how-to-reduce-burnout-in-the-workplace/
https://gradekmba.medium.com/managers-are-burning-out-how-to-help-them-recharge-b969eeaa1786
https://www.bizjournals.com/bizjournals/news/2023/04/10/managers-burned-out-workers-supports-experts.html

Why Team Building Is An Essential Investment

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Team building does not have the best reputation nowadays. Most people imagine being stuck with their co-workers for 1 or 2 days doing meaningless exercises that technically are supposed to increase productivity and collegiality.

Even though its reputation for being ineffective, team building has become one of the most important investments organisations can make for their employees. Despite the negatives emotions, it gives people, team building does build trust, alleviates conflict, boosts communication and enhances collaboration. Effective team building is what every company is looking for because it means a higher level of engagement in employees, which is fantastic for the bottom line. It can also be extremely fun if it’s done right.

It is clear as the light of day that the most successful team-building activities are the ones that make employees feel at ease and not all as having to go to work. Activities that are not at all subtle about aiming to reveal leadership and talent are obviously lowering enthusiasm amongst participants. By simply just spending time together and sharing experiences into completing a common goal allows co-workers to bond in a more natural way and it is by far more effective.

Unsurprisingly, happiness and learning have been correlated to work very well together. Most of the time, all companies have to do is introduce their employees to new things and activities which will, more often than not, will generate a feel-good factor which obviously translates into good news for the organisation. In the majority of cases, exercises that are out of the ordinary get people to work together in various new ways.

What is the purpose of team building?

Numerous analyses have revealed that people who participate in team building feel more positively about their team. This positivity is manifested in various ways such as more trust in their co-workers, more satisfaction that they’re part of a certain team and a lot more confidence that the team will achieve its targets.

Furthermore, employees that complete team building sessions together have better interactions: they communicate, coordinate and manage conflicts better. These processes are key in accomplishing the team’s ambitions.

However, team building may not directly improve team performance. Despite a better line of communication and more trustworthy workers, team building by itself doesn’t have a direct impact on performance. The reason for this is simply because performance relies on so many other factors besides team interactions that it shouldn’t be the only thing a company does if it wishes to improve performance levels.

When is team building the most effective?

Amongst team building activities, some are more effective than others. What sets apart most sessions is this: team building activities that focus on achieving goals and/or clarifying roles have the most beneficial impact. Achieving goals refers to define and clarify both individual and team objectives, and planning what actions need to be taken in order to turn objectives into reality. Clarifying roles purely means team members discuss what is and isn’t their task and understand their duties better.

On the other hand, team building exercises focused on improving interpersonal relations or solving already existing problems bring smaller, but still relevant benefits. Improving interoffice relations sees team members work on their trust among themselves whilst also building connections on a more personal level. Solving problems means identifying what doesn’t necessarily click between team members and planning on how to improve future situations.

Organisations must always remember that team building is not a splurge but merely an investment in the future! For example, one of the partners of NASCAR was invited for a day out on the tracks. 350$ for each employee wasn’t the most expensive nor cheap investment but at the end of the day, everything made sense. Everyone felt appreciated, given the fact that they were going around the track at over 233 kilometres per hour.

Daily Team Building Opportunities

Team building can include the daily interaction that employees engage in when working together to carry out the requirements of their jobs. This form of team building is natural and which can be assisted if the team takes the time required to come up with their own set of norms. The criteria help group members know how to appropriately interact with each other and the rest of the organisation.

Team building can also involve structured activities and exercises that employees on the team can lead, one way in which team criteria are established. As an alternative, with the proper budget and benchmark, managers can contract out for facilitation with an external resource. External facilitation, by an experienced person, can give your team building a boost.

No matter how an organisation chooses to build their group of employees into a team, the resulting bonds will enable them to accomplish the work and goals of the organisation more effectively than a group of people who don’t really know each other. As long as the company’s focus is dedicated to team building opportunities that lend themselves to the accomplishment of the actual work of the team, you are effectively building a team.

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Sources:

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/what-is-team-building-1918270

https://scienceforwork.com/blog/team-building/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/brianscudamore/2016/03/09/why-team-building-is-the-most-important-investment-youll-make/#1ba7fb90617f

Dealing With Stress, Step 8: Acceptance

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Accepting one’s human, thus fallible, nature is hard for most people. Either because of the upbringing or because of acquired or innate perfectionism, it does not matter. The errors seem to bear a weight far greater than consequences would grant, usually.

Moreover, there seems to be a worldview that equates “error” to “personal flaw”, and as such any error seems to diminish the already frail sense of self-worth. Combine that with the over-the-top reactions of those around (how many times a small oversight was blown out of proportion by a boss or colleague? How many times small mishaps were used in office wars?), and errors sometimes take on the color of impending doom.

Now, take a break from the self-blame cycle and imagine that the very same thing, in the same circumstances, happened to one of your friends, and you have to talk to him.

How would you treat your friend?

Would you beat them over the head and make them grovel in penance? Or would you encourage them to go on, correct any consequences to the best of their abilities and learn from their mistakes?

I bet most answers would be the latter, not the former: encourage, support, learn, move on.

Why would you treat yourself differently?

Next time you get into hot water for something you did, stop beating yourself and imagine the same thing happened to one of your friends. And treat yourself as you would treat that friend. Strive, of course, to mitigate any negative results, apologize and correct where this is due, but stop before putting yourself through a court-martial again.

Compassion is not only for strangers; it is mainly for yourself. Not because you are selfish, but because you are your most important resource. Take care of that resource before it wears out.

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 6 and 7: Focus Attention Elsewhere

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Stop ruminating. It is natural, but not always constructive. I’d dare to say it almost never proves useful. It is not to say you shouldn’t analyse what happened; this helps you learn and get better at things. But it doesn’t help in any way to replay the movie time and again, beating yourself up or inventing alternative scenarios.

In order to stop brooding and start building, turn your attention to the outside. Consciously establish your objective: “I will scan the street and take in as many details of the outside world as I can“. Focus on things you like. If you are passionate about colors, look for every shade, for every nuance you encounter. If you are into smells, remark as many different smells, aromas, flavors as you can, from the fleeting perfumes of the passers-by to the thick smell of restaurant kitchens to the sharp smell of fresh paint as you pass by a door being redecorated. Whatever you like, look for it actively.

At first, this probably won’t last long. Your mind wants you ruminating. That’s OK. Don’t fret, don’t judge yourself, don’t try too hard. Observe the return to inner scenarios, file the fact away and get your eyes and attention back outside. Repeat as necessary.

If at all possible, take yourself into the nature: a wood, a park, a field. Nature is a healer, more so than any other man-made environment. But if you can’t, the cityscape will do nicely, as long as you remember that the essence is not succeeding in this exercise, but the repetition itself. Right, the repetition. Just like at the gym: it is not the weight you’re lifting, but how many times you lift it, that shapes muscles.

Attention and focus are much like muscles: you have to work them to make them stronger.

And while you’re at it, combine it with Step 7: straighten up. Raise your forehead, look upon the world as you own it and soon you will be better. “Fake it till you make it” is not a lie. It takes effort, for sure. But it works.

If your mind plays tricks on you, it is only adequate for you to play tricks back on it. You should be the winner.

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 5: Clinical Mode On

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Observing dispassionately allows control. Once you managed to take the previous step (dis-identifying Yourself from Mind) – or even at the same time – start observing yourself as you would an item in a museum.

Start by observing what happens inside your body. It is easier with the body, because it doesn’t play the identification trick. Scan your muscles, your gut, your heart, your face. Notice the tension in your arms and legs, notice the feeling of a solid rock in your belly, notice the fast-paced, shallow breathing, notice the sensation of heat in your cheeks.

Once you noticed those sensations, stop. Don’t take it further, don’t judge “I shouldn’t feel that, I shouldn’t be red-faced”. Just take the information in and file it without tagging it “good” or “bad”. Go back to scanning and do it as many times as you need to cool off.

After you get familiar with observing your body, you can take the next step and do the same with your mind. Observe what feelings it puts out. Name them as exactly as you can: “my mind is making me feel ashamed“, “my mind is making me feel furious“. It is good information. It is not something you should believe or act upon. If you can trace the source you’re even better off: “my mind makes me feel ashamed I made a mistake because in the first grade the teacher always made crude fun of me because I wasn’t talented at math“. Seeing the source is valuable, because it shows you that your mood has less to do with Now and more to do with The Past. The link is emotional, not rational.

If you have ever been in a negotiation with an used-cars salesman (or any slick, fast-talking sales guy), you know how you look at him working his number, recognize the tricks in his book and smile inwardly “You won’t catch me this time, dude!”

The same goes with your mind. It won’t catch you again, because you will recognize its trick, see right through them and take appropriate action, as opposed to the hasty things It wants you to do.

“Response” is the name of the game. “Reaction” is a thing of the past.

Continue with steps 6 and 7 by clicking here
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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 4: You Are Not Your Mood

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Your Mind and You are two different things. Any other part of your body hurting, you would say “my body part is hurting”. It is only with the mind that you say “I am hurting”.

Have you ever been overwhelmed by a feeling of dread, only to scan the near future and find nothing to explain that? It happens to me in the morning, usually. This is one of the many tricks in the mind’s arsenal. What happens is we surrender to the mood without questioning its validity.

But a bad mood is just that: a transient state of the mind. Brains have a way of taking over that other organs don’t. You just have to identify that for what it is: a state of one organ. Important, powerful, useful, but an organ nonetheless.

You can start by dis-identifying Yourself from Mind. Instead of simply surrendering and saying “I am anxious / furious / stressed out” switch to naming your feeling: “I feel anxiety / fury / stress“. This trick helps putting some distance between The Whole You and whatever happens inside.

Next, start calling out the perpetrator: “My mind is making me feel anxiety / fury / stress“. If you can, take a step back mentally and “see” your mind playing its little tricks.

Stop identifying yourself with the workings of your mind. Take a step back. Cool down. It is the most direct way of replacing reaction with response.

Read part 5

 

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 3: Don’t Fight Feelings

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Fighting the feeling will only enhance its grip. That is something adults almost never tell kids, when it comes to “proper emotional reaction”. At least where I am from, “boys don’t cry”. I’ve been told that many times; I’ve never been told how to fight tears (and, of course, the more I tried, the more they would trickle down my cheeks, red-hot with shame).

One doesn’t justify feelings. They are what they are: a natural, honest and strong reaction of the mind (and body) to an unpleasant set of circumstances. You wouldn’t even dream to justify breathing and explain metabolism. Why would you need to treat feelings differently?

That “good” feeling / “bad” feeling dichotomy is a purely social construct. “Chase away the nature, it will return at a gallop” say the French. And, as Nature would do, the harder you fight it the more it will return with a vengeance.

So, next time you feel something you “shouldn’t” feel, stop fighting it. If it is fear you feel, allow it; if it is anger you feel, say to yourself “This is fear that I feel; I will allow it to rise and go away without fighting it“. Name it, observe it and let it be. Eventually, it will go away.

That is not to say you should indulge in manifesting your every feeling. Having that feeling is one thing; acting on it is a different beast altogether. Do not allow yourself to act under the pressure. Bad moods alter the worldview, and consequences could be more than you bargained for.

If need be, you can explain: “I am feeling very nervous right now and it has nothing to do with you. I do not want to talk / explain / tell the story and I do not want to engage further because I don’t really know what I can do, so please let me be for now and I will come to you later“.

Please, do not make the mistake of taking it out on whomever stays in front of you at the moment. Even if you explain later that “it had nothing to do with you, I was just angry“, some things cannot be undone.

Feel your feelings. Name them, call them out, let them come and go without resisting. Where they’ve been, the landscape will clear out and refresh, more often than not.

Read part 4

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 2: Feelings are natural

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

Feelings are natural, they are not a flaw. We are wired to feel down, empty, nervous, anxious or furious. Don’t blame yourself.

When you’re happy, content or joyous you never second-guess your feelings, do you? Why would you do that when you’re down, adding a supplementary layer of negative? Aren’t they all the same: feelings?

It bugged me since I was a kid, hearing “You shouldn’t feel [down, unhappy, sad], think of all the kids out there who don’t have half of what you have!” I couldn’t point out why, but I was (at least) annoyed. It was like my feelings should have had some kind of universal scale of measurement and go through a global referendum, in order for said feelings to be “valid”.

Nature wired us for feeling emotions. “Bad” emotions are like “bad” breathing – they don’t exist. Fury, anger, sadness, desperation – all are natural. They are what they are and they make you feel what they make you feel. You cannot deny, choke or feint them – at least not forever. They are your emotions, and are natural (acting on them is another thing entirely…).

You don’t have to feel anything. What you feel is what you feel. Numbness is what should get you worried.

So, let feelings be. They are Mother Nature’s way of letting us know something isn’t quite right. Just like breaking the bulb of an alarm lamp does not make things right, denying feelings serves no purpose. Notice your feelings, give them names, get friendly with them. Just don’t act on them.

Read part 3

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

Dealing With Stress, Step 1: You Are Not Alone

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(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

You are not the only one in such a predicament: we all have rough patches and difficult moments. Some of us are better at hiding it, but on the inside we’re all the same colour.

Most of us, when in the throes of fate, feel we’re alone in our suffering. We may receive help and support from people who care for us, and we are grateful for that, but even this help-and-support come from someone who is not, right now, with us, in such a deep pain. More, we observe the world around us and see other enjoying things and feelings we so sorely lack.

a) For many, it’s about the image they put out: the deep truth is different in the overwhelming majority of cases. People will put out their best image and pour mountains of effort into safeguarding the social image (isn’t that what “inner power” is all about? Showing “strength” while bleeding inside?); and we see that image. The soul behind it is way more in pain and frazzled.

That realisation came to me during conversation with my spouse about some friends that seemed poised to do well; she casually said “The other day I heard her say the only thing she had left in common with her husband were the kids and the credits”.

You might think you’re alone. You might even feel loneliness. It is only natural; it is usually patently untrue. Take a moment to look around you closely. We all have our troubles. You have companions in your plight – only you do not know them. You don’t have to, just know they are there.

b) Preparation is everything: take care and assemble a Team You: people who know you, love you just the way you are and accept you with all your little quirks and peculiarities. Talk to them one by one or in a group setting.

Be as direct and clear as you can: “Friend / mom / pop / sibling, I’m approaching (or already crossing) a very rough patch in my life. I need all the love and support I can muster. I need you to support me now and show me later where I’ve done wrong. Would you do that?”

This is not the time to be evasive and hope they’ll get it. Certainly, you’ll be in for some surprises. Many think “tough love” is the way (it is not, in many cases). But you’ll end up with a Team You ready to support you, ready to be your cheerleaders, a handy resource to have in dire times.

Have them know you value and cherish their support and lean on them in troubled times. That way, you’ll know you never walk alone.

Read part 2

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

 

Dealing With Stress: A Step-By-Step How-To Guide (Overview)

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Stressed out by that presentation you must deliver tomorrow? Can’t stand your obnoxious cubicle mate one more second? Boss is giving you grief for the sake of it and you’re dreading each morning? Well, you’re not alone. Neither are you powerless.

Here are some steps to take when stress, anxiety or any negative emotion, really, become overwhelming. They work for me, as they do for other individuals I know.

That said, two words of advice:

– although what I present you works, it is by no means the perfect way, the only way or The Way. We are all individuals and each one will eventually tweak, change and modify the method to find what suits best. Please take all that only as a start, a general guideline;

– ideally, you’d want to do all this right there and then. I know this is not always possible – we’re all human and, in the heat of the moment, it is hard to maintain composure and remember things we should do. We react as we are wired, mostly. In that case, do the exercise later – it is still hugely useful, if only as preparation for the next heated moments (they will come for sure!).

  1. You are not the only one in such a predicament: we all have rough patches and difficult moments. Some of us are better at hiding it, but on the inside we’re all the same color. That colleague that keeps his cool and turns robot-like in a crisis? Aloofness may be his way to keep the pain and anxiety from overwhelming him. That recently divorced mom of two, who gets out every night and feels wonderful now, that she’s single? It may well be that parties are her way of avoiding loneliness. They’re not really that tough; they’re just good at hiding it. You are not alone by any stretch. Remember that.
  2. Feelings are natural, they are not a flaw. We are wired to feel down, empty, nervous, anxious or furious. Don’t blame yourself; don’t let yourself tricked into buying in the trope of “you shouldn’t feel this way”. You feel what you feel. Let the feeling arise and go (and, as a side note, “should” is one of the most destructive words I’ve encountered – abandon it where it does harm!).
  3. Fighting the feeling will only enhance its grip. If you feel fear, feel it, it’s no shame. If what you feel is fury, let it be. Feelings only come to go away eventually. If you can, resolve to be a pipe for negative feelings, not a reservoir. Allow it to manifest, and then allow it to go away (refer to points 4 and 5 for that).
  4. You are not your mood. Generally speaking, you are not your brain. Do not identify with it. If you bump a toe on a bed post, your toe hurts, not the entirety of You. The same goes here: your brain oozes the mood, but you don’t have to drown in it. Simply observe your feelings, without judging them as “good” or “bad”. Replace “I am angry” with “I feel anger” or even with “My brain makes me feel anger“. Distance does cool down heated feelings.
  5. Switch to “Clinical Mode On”. “Clinical mode” is what I call when I observe what I feel without getting entangled, just like a wildlife biologist observes a lion hunting and killing an antelope. For sure, it is a tragedy for the antelope, and the scientist acknowledges and accepts that. He can even feel sad for the animal; but, in the end, he is just an outside observer keeping clear of the drama. In the same way, you can observe what is going on with you, but not get involved.
  6. Direct your attention away from the events that caused the feelings. Brooding is natural – and unhelpful. Once the situation is gone, let it be gone. Pay deliberate attention to the outside. Take a walk – if you can – and strive to consciously observe all and any details of the world. Colors of the items in a shop window? See how many different shades you can count. Benches with people resting? See if you can observe the shape and shade of each one or any differences between various benches. A cute young couple passing by? Maybe you can observe gestures and guess what they’re talking about. You will come back to brooding, eventually. That’s OK, we humans are prone to that. Observe that return as you would observe a flashing shop sign – “My brain keeps returning to brooding“. Just get your eyes and mind out again.
  7. Straighten up. That’s right, I’m not joking: straighten up your back and keep your forehead and eyes pointing forward. It’s a neat little psychological trick: physiology influences the mind. Walk like you are happy and you’ll feel less gloom-and-doom inside.
  8. Accept. “Yeah, right, I should just accept I made a mess”. Hey, I can hear your thoughts! Stop that! Seriously now, “accepting” does not mean “I don’t care”. It means “I’m human, I will make errors and that says nothing about me as long as I strive in good faith to correct the consequences to the best of my abilities“. We all have our inglorious moments. We’re not less because of that. Accept that truth of life and move on.

Of course, none of the above comes naturally and all of it takes effort. Some of it will not be your cup of tea, for sure. No problem, just try something else until you find your own, personal way to bootstrap yourself out of the hole. And, when you have discovered neat little tricks, maybe you’ll return here and share those trick. You might make many unknown lives a little bit better.

PS: when working with yourself (which is what I propose here), the hardest part isn’t what, it’s the how. We all know we should calm down; how in heaven do I do it when I’m in flames?

That is why I thought some ideas on the how of stress management might prove useful for some people.

Read part one

 

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

 

 

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By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more