Dealing With Stress, Step 1: You Are Not Alone

(This article is a part of a series; please start here)

You are not the only one in such a predicament: we all have rough patches and difficult moments. Some of us are better at hiding it, but on the inside we’re all the same colour.

Most of us, when in the throes of fate, feel we’re alone in our suffering. We may receive help and support from people who care for us, and we are grateful for that, but even this help-and-support come from someone who is not, right now, with us, in such a deep pain. More, we observe the world around us and see other enjoying things and feelings we so sorely lack.

a) For many, it’s about the image they put out: the deep truth is different in the overwhelming majority of cases. People will put out their best image and pour mountains of effort into safeguarding the social image (isn’t that what “inner power” is all about? Showing “strength” while bleeding inside?); and we see that image. The soul behind it is way more in pain and frazzled.

That realisation came to me during conversation with my spouse about some friends that seemed poised to do well; she casually said “The other day I heard her say the only thing she had left in common with her husband were the kids and the credits”.

You might think you’re alone. You might even feel loneliness. It is only natural; it is usually patently untrue. Take a moment to look around you closely. We all have our troubles. You have companions in your plight – only you do not know them. You don’t have to, just know they are there.

b) Preparation is everything: take care and assemble a Team You: people who know you, love you just the way you are and accept you with all your little quirks and peculiarities. Talk to them one by one or in a group setting.

Be as direct and clear as you can: “Friend / mom / pop / sibling, I’m approaching (or already crossing) a very rough patch in my life. I need all the love and support I can muster. I need you to support me now and show me later where I’ve done wrong. Would you do that?

This is not the time to be evasive and hope they’ll get it. Certainly, you’ll be in for some surprises. Many think “tough love” is the way (it is not, in many cases). But you’ll end up with a Team You ready to support you, ready to be your cheerleaders, a handy resource to have in dire times.

Have them know you value and cherish their support and lean on them in troubled times. That way, you’ll know you never walk alone.

Read part 2

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

B_txt_14

B_txt_10

 

 

 

By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more!  You can find out more about Catalin by clicking here

 

Great People Inside has won the Eurocloud Romania 2016 award for ”Best Cloud Start-up”

Great People Inside has won the Eurocloud Romania 2016 award for ”Best Cloud Start-up” with our fully customisable assessment and development platform GR8PI. As winners of the national EuroCloud Awards we will participate at the EuroCloud Europe competition 2016.

As an active member of the EuroCloud community, the EuroCloud Romania association represents a binding agent between the cloud industry, the users of the cloud computing services and the legislative branches from Romania and Europe. EuroCloud Romania is also a member of the EuroCloud Council.

EuroCloud Romania acts as a colective voice of the Romanian cloud computing industry in order to allow the development of a local cloud ecosystem and to increase visibility of Romanian cloud solutions.

On top of that, EuroCloud Romania serves as a strategic partner of the multinational and Romanian corporations that want to raise the awareness of the cloud services in Romania, through awareness and educational activities and by moderating the active community of the cloud computing industry from Romania.

”This year again we are glad to see the constant engagement for quality and openness to the international markets of the Romanian cloud providers. The cloud model cancels geographical barriers and opens new markets for the local suppliers, and the Romanian cloud solution providers understand and leverage this advantage with success.”

For more details about the EuroCloud Romania Awards 2016, please visit: http://www.eurocloud.ro/en/eurocloud-announces-the-winners-of-the-eurocloud-romania-awards-2016-competition/

 

Dan Hill – Key Note Speaker at the Great People Inside Conference “The New World of Work” 12-13 October 2016, Kronwell Hotel, Brasov, Romania

Dan HillDan Hill will be a Key Note Speaker at the Great People Inside Conference “The New World of Work” 12-13 October 2016 at Kronwell Hotel, Brasov Romania. Dan is an internationally recognized expert on emotions as captured through the facial coding tool made famous by Gladwell’s bestseller Blink and Fox’s hit series “Lie to Me.” Five of the seven universal, core emotions facial coding reveals were also highlighted in Pixar’s Inside Out. Dan’s work spans applications from market research to legal, behavioral finance, and professional sports as well as to analysis of executives, politicians and cultural icons in serving as a facial expressions biographer of famous, newsworthy individuals.
Dan has appeared on TV on CNN, PBS, Fox, MSNBC, CNBC, Bloomberg TV, ESPN, Tennis Channel, NBC’s “The Today Show” and ABC’s “Good Morning America.” Radio appearances include the BBC and NPR’s “Marketplace.” Besides a front-page profile in The New York Times, other print and web coverage runs the gamut from The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Fast Company, Politico, Advertising Age, Kiplinger’s, Allure, and China Forbes to Reuters. Dan has been a highly successful speaker before audiences in over 20 countries.

screenshot.319

In addition to being the recipient of 10 U.S. patents related to facial coding, the tool Dan brought into market research as a pioneer in the field, Dan is the author of five books: Body of Truth: Leveraging What Consumers Can’t or Won’t Say (Wiley & Sons 2003), Emotionomics: Leveraging Emotions for Business Success (Kogan Page 2008), Face Time: How the 2008 Presidential Race Reveals the Importance of Being On-Emotion in Politics, Business and Life (Adams 2008), About Face: The Secrets of Emotionally Effective Advertising(Kogan Page 2010), and On-Emotion: Salvaging Market Research (Adams 2013). Dan received his Ph.D. from Rutgers University, following studies at Brown University, Oxford University and St. Olaf College and lives with his wife, Karen, in St. Paul.

 If you want to personally meet Dan Hill, we’ll see you at the Great People Inside Conference: The New World of Work.

For more information about the event, click here.

 The Great People Inside Conference Sponsors English

Great People Inside Conference: The New World of Work – 12,13 October Brasov, Romania

Registration for the Great People Inside Conference: “The New World of Work” has started!

The event taking place between 12th and 13th October 2016, at Kronwell Hotel, Brasov, Romania,  is an unique concept bringing together business representatives, entrepreneurs, managers, specialists and researchers in the field of human resources from all industries, psychologists, representatives of central and local authorities, large consulting companies, as well as internationally renowned experts from the United States of America, Denmark, Israel, Norway, Ireland, Italy, Spain, United Arab Emirates.

“The New World of Work” conference will generate exciting and challenging discussions on the changing nature of work, providing at the same time, practical strategies and insights about how these challenges can be harnessed as opportunities for innovation and development.

Event Partners: Polipol, Contempo Cars, Romanian Software, Tuborg, EximBank, ICF România, Wellington,  AON, BestSmart Consulting, Benefit, Oracle, Hațegan Attorneys, Exelo, Kirchhoff Automotive, MaxRelax, UP Romania, HTI Romania, PP Romania, AHK, Wine in Business.

Supported by: Steaua CSM EximBank, Daiana Stoicescu & YouAreMore.

Media Partners: Realitatea TV, KISS FM, Mix TV, Mix 2 TV, Revista Cariere, HR Manager, 4Career, Learn&Go, Stirea Zilei.com, Detectiveconomic.ro, Biztop.ro, Revista Metropola, Prețul Zilei, myTEX, Brașovultau.ro, Monitorul Expres, Radio Brașov, Jurnalul de Maine. 

For more details, you can access the website dedicated to the event here.

 

screenshot.316

Dealing With Stress: A Step-By-Step How-To Guide (Overview)

Stressed out by that presentation you must deliver tomorrow? Can’t stand your obnoxious cubicle mate one more second? Boss is giving you grief for the sake of it and you’re dreading each morning? Well, you’re not alone. Neither are you powerless.

Here are some steps to take when stress, anxiety or any negative emotion, really, become overwhelming. They work for me, as they do for other individuals I know.

That said, two words of advice:

– although what I present you works, it is by no means the perfect way, the only way or The Way. We are all individuals and each one will eventually tweak, change and modify the method to find what suits best. Please take all that only as a start, a general guideline;

– ideally, you’d want to do all this right there and then. I know this is not always possible – we’re all human and, in the heat of the moment, it is hard to maintain composure and remember things we should do. We react as we are wired, mostly. In that case, do the exercise later – it is still hugely useful, if only as preparation for the next heated moments (they will come for sure!).

  1. You are not the only one in such a predicament: we all have rough patches and difficult moments. Some of us are better at hiding it, but on the inside we’re all the same color. That colleague that keeps his cool and turns robot-like in a crisis? Aloofness may be his way to keep the pain and anxiety from overwhelming him. That recently divorced mom of two, who gets out every night and feels wonderful now, that she’s single? It may well be that parties are her way of avoiding loneliness. They’re not really that tough; they’re just good at hiding it. You are not alone by any stretch. Remember that.
  2. Feelings are natural, they are not a flaw. We are wired to feel down, empty, nervous, anxious or furious. Don’t blame yourself; don’t let yourself tricked into buying in the trope of “you shouldn’t feel this way”. You feel what you feel. Let the feeling arise and go (and, as a side note, “should” is one of the most destructive words I’ve encountered – abandon it where it does harm!).
  3. Fighting the feeling will only enhance its grip. If you feel fear, feel it, it’s no shame. If what you feel is fury, let it be. Feelings only come to go away eventually. If you can, resolve to be a pipe for negative feelings, not a reservoir. Allow it to manifest, and then allow it to go away (refer to points 4 and 5 for that).
  4. You are not your mood. Generally speaking, you are not your brain. Do not identify with it. If you bump a toe on a bed post, your toe hurts, not the entirety of You. The same goes here: your brain oozes the mood, but you don’t have to drown in it. Simply observe your feelings, without judging them as “good” or “bad”. Replace “I am angry” with “I feel anger” or even with “My brain makes me feel anger“. Distance does cool down heated feelings.
  5. Switch to “Clinical Mode On”. “Clinical mode” is what I call when I observe what I feel without getting entangled, just like a wildlife biologist observes a lion hunting and killing an antelope. For sure, it is a tragedy for the antelope, and the scientist acknowledges and accepts that. He can even feel sad for the animal; but, in the end, he is just an outside observer keeping clear of the drama. In the same way, you can observe what is going on with you, but not get involved.
  6. Direct your attention away from the events that caused the feelings. Brooding is natural – and unhelpful. Once the situation is gone, let it be gone. Pay deliberate attention to the outside. Take a walk – if you can – and strive to consciously observe all and any details of the world. Colors of the items in a shop window? See how many different shades you can count. Benches with people resting? See if you can observe the shape and shade of each one or any differences between various benches. A cute young couple passing by? Maybe you can observe gestures and guess what they’re talking about. You will come back to brooding, eventually. That’s OK, we humans are prone to that. Observe that return as you would observe a flashing shop sign – “My brain keeps returning to brooding“. Just get your eyes and mind out again.
  7. Straighten up. That’s right, I’m not joking: straighten up your back and keep your forehead and eyes pointing forward. It’s a neat little psychological trick: physiology influences the mind. Walk like you are happy and you’ll feel less gloom-and-doom inside.
  8. Accept. “Yeah, right, I should just accept I made a mess”. Hey, I can hear your thoughts! Stop that! Seriously now, “accepting” does not mean “I don’t care”. It means “I’m human, I will make errors and that says nothing about me as long as I strive in good faith to correct the consequences to the best of my abilities“. We all have our inglorious moments. We’re not less because of that. Accept that truth of life and move on.

Of course, none of the above comes naturally and all of it takes effort. Some of it will not be your cup of tea, for sure. No problem, just try something else until you find your own, personal way to bootstrap yourself out of the hole. And, when you have discovered neat little tricks, maybe you’ll return here and share those trick. You might make many unknown lives a little bit better.

PS: when working with yourself (which is what I propose here), the hardest part isn’t what, it’s the how. We all know we should calm down; how in heaven do I do it when I’m in flames?

That is why I thought some ideas on the how of stress management might prove useful for some people.

Read part one

 

Do you want to find out more? Get in touch with a consultant now or request a free demo!

 

 

B_txt_14

 

 

 

B_txt_10

 

 

 

By Catalin Octavian Blaga – Trainer Great People Inside

Trainer who turns business experience and psychology into impacting training programs… and more

 

© Copyright 2016 - Great People Inside